Warsaw Warcame Warconquered

It is with a profound sense of humility that The Journal finds itself in the unique historical position of reintroducing to the comedic nomenklatura out there one of the true pillars of anecdotal hilariment, one which has been missing from the scene for far too long as an unfortunate side effect of your PC Drive-By of the closing decades of the last century (R.I.P.). Who could even contemplate the infinite concentricities of those venerable narrative skyrockets intrinsic to that all-time stand-by of the cold beer set, that exemplar of high-pop ethnic deconstruction, that krieglight penetration into the cold crevasses of those culturo-genetic nooks and crannies that, ladies and gentlemen, made The Big PX what it is today?

Yes, hypocrite lecteur, it's another Michael Edward Rashoff production.

It's the return of...The Polish Joke.


A Pole met an American tourist in Cracow, married her in Poland and returned to the USA with his new wife. They got along famously until one day on which he rushed into a lawyer's office and demanded that divorce proceedings be initiated immediately.

"That would depend on the circumstances in this state," the lawyer informed him, "I'll need to ask you a few questions."

"No problem," the distraught husband allowed.

"What grounds have you for the divorce?" inquired the attorney.

"Yes! Acre and half and nice little home!"

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case?

"Is concrete. Of course."

"I don't think you understand," said the lawyer. "Does either of you have a grudge in this case?"

"No, we have carport, is enough."

"No, I mean, what are your relations like?"

"All my relations still in Poland."

The lawyer reached into his top left desk drawer, extracted a 20mg Valium and cleverly disguised its ingestion with a hand over his mouth on a fake cough, chasing it down with a sip of Earl Grey.

"No. Listen. Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

"Have hi-fidelity, 6.1 home theater, top DVD player...You Name It!"

"Does your wife beat you up?"

"No, I always up before her."

"Is your wife a nagger?"

"No, she white."

"Why do you want this divorce?"

"She going to kill me."

"What makes you think that?"

"I got proof."

"What kind of proof?"

"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read."

"What did it say?"

"Polish Remover."