A New Low

In finest corporate tradition at Editorial Board meetings, "pitchers"--in the most prurient homoerotic sense--present their anecdotal proposals to fellow Board Member "catchers" for their critical consideration and, if possible, sildenafil citrate-fuelled arousal. For reasons which will be intuitively oblivious, this failed spectacularly to occur in the case of the appalling narrative trainwreck set forth below which only appears here as a matter of Editorial Board record. Hugh Jorgen, hitherto one of The Journal's most stalwart and comatose contributors, has herewith been assigned back to the Folsom bureau whence he came for a period not to exceed six (520) weeks where he will be acting in his previous capacity as liaison to his associates in The Aryan Brotherhood.

A man is dining in a four-star restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, after which they proceed to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest emotions, he shares his most profound hopes and they consume one another.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They have, to say the very least, a time neither of them would ever forget.

The next morning, she cooks eggs benedict to make Wolfgang Puck fall on his sharpening steel. Her paramour of the previous night has to rub his eyes and shake his head in disbelief, it has all been so incredible.

"My god," he blurted, "you're the perfect woman. Are you this good to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."