Arrivaderci Calzone

Recent immigrant Gianni stops by the skin depot in Jersey to check in with Tony after returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new American bride, Virginia.

So Tony says, "Hey Gianni, how was the trip?"

Gianni says, "Everyting wasa perfetto-- except for da traina ride down."

"Whaddaya mean?" inquires Tony.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Stazione. My beautiful Virginia, she packa da bigga basket a food. She bringa da vino, soma naissa cigar for me, and we wasa lookina forward to da trip and I donna packa da heat, jus' lika you tel' me, Tony!"

"Terrific," says Tony.

"So we open uppa da luncha basket and da conduttore come aby, wagga his finger at us andasay, 'No eat indisa car. Musta use a da dining car!"

"An' Tone--I no gotta la pistola wi' me!"

"So, me and my bella Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a bigga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!"

"Conduttore walka by again, wagga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Gotta usa da cluba car!'"

"Tony, I wanna put dissa guy in wi' da fishes, but Virginia say No. So we go to da cluba car."

"While Ima drinkina vino, I starta to lighta my bigga cigar. The conduttore, he wagga his finger again and he say: 'No a smokina dissa car. Gotta go to a smokina car!'

"So we go to a smokina car and I smoke a my bigga cigar!"

"Anyways--then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda we go to bed!"

"We just about to go boombada boombada and the conduttore, he walka through da hall shouting at a top of his a voice "Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!"

"Goddammita Tony! Disa country, you no canna do nuthin' here!!"