JOCOP Classics: Best Possible Medical Attention

I.

Guy walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "I'm coming apart here, Doc. I think I'm a teepee. I think I'm a wigwam."

"Relax. You're two tents."

II.

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist: "You are neurotically obsessed with your daughter's nymphomania. I'm prescribing Xanax which you should ingest whenever you feel like it."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the Xanax calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your daughter now?"

"Who cares?"

III.

Guy walks into the doctor's office and says: "When I press with my finger here... it hurts. And then here... it hurts. And here it hurts. And here it hurts. And here. What's wrong with me, Doc?"

"You broke your finger."

IV.

Guy walks into the doctor's office and says: "I dunno, Doc: nobody pays any attention to me."

"Next."

V.

Guy walks into the doctor's office and says: "I swallowed a bone."

"Are you choking?"

"No, I'm serious."

VI.

Guy walks into the doctor's office and says: "Doc, I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee."

"Take the spoon out."

VII.

Guy walks into the doctor's office and says: "I dream there are terrorists under my bed, what can I do?"

"Saw the legs off your bed."

VIII.

Guy walks into the doctor's office and says: "It's strange, Doc: I feel like a racehorse."

"Take one of these every 4 laps."

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