Jocop Classic: Tonto and the Lone Ranger

With this posting, The Journal is proud to commence a look backwards to some of the classic allegories of yesteryear--a better time in which men were men and women threw their tits over their shoulders and fought like men.

This retelling is lovingly dedicated to the memory of Vidkun Quisling, the hero of Norway.

Who, like Tonto, led the way out of the dark night of despair at a time when Denmark took the easy way out.

[Skol! -Ed.]


The Lone Ranger and Tonto are crouched behind the usual huge boulders with Trigger tethered to a tree nearby.

They are surrounded by thousands of feral redskins thirsting for the blood of the masked man and his faithful sidekick.

The Lone Ranger scans the horizon one last time through squinted eyes behind the mask known throughout the West, while Tonto observes the freelance frontier lawman closely.

"Well, Tonto," says the masked man, "it looks like this is the end. There's no way out. We are completely surrounded. This is it."

"Yes, Kemo Sabe, you speak truly," replies Tonto.

"I'd just like to say, before it's too late, how much it's meant to me having you by my side to fight injustice in this great land of ours all these years. I'm just glad we were together when the end came, my friend," says the Lone Ranger, choked up.

Tonto has never taken his eyes off the masked man's face. Now, appraising the thousands of savages out there preparing themselves for the final murderous assault, he turns back to the Lone Ranger.

"What do you mean 'we,' White Man?"