The Accident

Another eye-witness account from Mike Rashoff, our Senior Geriatric Affairs Correspondent.

(Readers may be interested to know that Mike is covering the Paris Hilton springjob--from the hard news perspective--even as we drink. WE JUST HAVE NEWS COMING IN....one of the bulls seems to have substituted WD-40 for Ms Hilton's hairspray...when she lit up that first joint in the Escalade, whooosh. The CNN interviewer approached the LA County Deputy Sheriff, shoved a microphone in his face and demanded: "Is Paris Burning?")

Meanwhile....

Ole Olson had been in a serious car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole on the stand.

"Did you or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" inquired the lawyer in an accusatory tone.

"Vell, I'll tell you vat happened," replied Ole. "I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, onto the--"

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question! Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,'I'm fine!'?"

Ole said, "Vell, I'd just got Bessie onto the trailer and I vas driving down the road--"

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he's trying to sue my client. I say he's a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was interested in Ole's answer. He told the corporate counsel: "I'd like to hear what the witness has to say."

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded.

"Vell as I vas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, onto the trailer and vas driving her down the highway ven this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side."

"I vas thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. I vas hurting real bad, moaning and groaning, I vas, and didn't vant to move."

"But I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning...I knew she vas in a terrible vay yust by her groans. About then a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning too, so he vent over to her in the ditch."

"After he looked at her and saw the condition Bessie vas in, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes."

"Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?'"

"Now. Vat the fukk vould YOU say?"