Bug

Do you notice something on your screen? Just to the right?

Go to the junk drawer in the kitchen. Get that rusty hammer that's been in there since Woodstock and bring it back to the desk.

We will wait for you.

(Pause.)

You snuck another drink, didn't you. 0930 hours. That pretty much says it all.

Is there still something on the screen? There is, isn't there.

That is a bug. A computer bug. If you keep pulling off that bottle of vodka in the back of the freezer, that bug will turn into an elephant. You don't want an elephant on your screen. Nip this in the bud. While there's still time.

Pick up that hammer. Hit the bug with the hammer as hard as you can. Now hit it again. Is the bug still on there? It would be.

Kick that bug in the balls. You cannot see the bug's balls, they are tiny. But kick them anyway. Now pick up the screen and dropkick the bug and screen through the doorway. Now you are in the sitting room, Christ what a mess. The bug's still moving? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? KICK THAT BUG'S ASS! NOW THROW THAT MOTHERFUCKER OUT THE WINDOW! DO YOU STILL SEE THE BUG?

No. The bug is gone.

Everything is alright again, just fine.

Except, of course, for that burning sensation.

That seems to be particularly acute this morning.

In fact, no doubt about it--it burns like a sonofabitch.

Where'd that hammer get to?