War on Terra

Being without reference to phenomenological externalities, The Journal's pro-jihad, pro-tostada editorial stance is inherently self-intuitive and we yield to no one in our support of the legitimate demand of our Islamic brethren and cistern for immediate restoration of their right to rule the universe in the manner and to the extent they may from time to time--collectively, individually or both--find satisfactory, no questions asked, Aloha Snackbar!™

As a pubic service, we run the godless porkmentation set forth below as an example of works by unwashed infidels, some of whom now 'accidentally' drop partially masticated Braunschwieger onto the bourkas of our semi-virginal ladyboys eating at the Took Lae Dee counter at Foodland.

We have their names. Perhaps they have relatives in England?


As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and that he must commit suicide if he does.

Accordingly, next Saturday at 1600 hours Eastern Standard Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house totally nude to help uncover any and all neighborhood terrorists.

Circling the block naked for one hour minimum is recommended.

All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs directly in front of their subprime-financed housing units to establish they are not Muslims and to demonstrate their approbation of observing nude women other than their respective wives and to show support for all American women.

Since alcohol is forbidden under Islamic law, the men are requested to have at least one ice cold six-pack to their immediate right as further proof of their anti-Islamicist credentials.

The Federal Government™ appreciates these efforts to root out terrorism. All those who fail to participate will be audited.

God bless America.