First Do No Harm

Three medicos were playing golf on the most exclusive of all Hot Springs Village courses, discussing the apexes of their respective surgical careers.

The first said, "No doubt about it, I am the best fucking surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in a cucumber slicing accident. I reattached them and eight months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second surgeon immediately rejoined: "That's pathetic, you lummox. Why, in my practice I had a young man who lost an arm and both legs in an encounter with a wood chipper. I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in the 100 yard dash at the Olympics."

The third surgeon smiled then shook his head.

"You people are meshuggah, not to mention deluded and I'll tell you why. In my practice, quite a few years ago now, I had a woman who'd been so ripped on coke and hash that she rode her horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour."

"All I had left to work with," he continued, "was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass."

"You may find it difficult to believe--and I was sworn to secrecy by a couple of gorillas--but I was able to put them together."

"And now she's running for President."