Speur Bwol LIXI

Ed Zachary had 50 yard line tickets for Super Bowl LXII, the game that made you forget all the new NFL 'rules' invented by space aliens on crack.

As Zachary sat down, a man walked down the front row and asked if anyone was occupying the seat next to him.

"No," said Ed. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the interloper, settling into the perfect location. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"

"Actually," confessed Ed, "the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't attended together since we got married in 1970."

"Oh Jesus, I'm so sorry, that's just terrible," said the parvenu, shaking his head.

Then the lightbulb illuminated.

"I'm really embarrassed to ask under these circumstances...but couldn't you find someone else--a friend, a relative or even a neighbor--to take the seat?"

Ed shook his head. "I'm afraid not. They're all at the funeral."