PEST (Post-Electoral Stress Syndrome)

Following her humiliating electoral defeat, Sarah fell into a depression so contagious, it enveloped her husband, Todd, just like that humongous fart in the Wasilla Assembly of God that had TKO'd the pastor for 25 minutes.

Sarah's friend, John, had repossessed her wardrobe, fired her cosmetologist and called her "a stupid bitch and a smelly cunt--you fucked up the whole thing, you rotten snatch!!" In front of the entire staff, all of whom were blasted. On Budweiser™, provided by John's wife at cost plus 65%.

Sarah and Todd had to be admitted to The Bush Center for the Delusionally Self-Confident in Bumfuck, Idaho--for their own protection: both were thought to be contemplating suicide except for the fact neither knew how this was done according to the preliminary IQ screening.

Therapy was going well--Sarah had learned to read and her husband had learned to watch TV, then roll over and go back to sleep.

At last, the psychoanalyst insisted they go outside and take a walk. Exercise was essential to full recovery, just like a low-fat, high carbohydrate diet.

So they were walking past the hospital swimming pool when Todd suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. He'd had enough.

Sarah promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the psychoanalyst became aware of Sarah's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as it was her professional assessment that Sarah, formerly bipolar, was now for the first time in her life, mentally stable.

When the good doctor went to tell Sarah the news she said, "Sarah, I have good news and bad news."

"The good news is you're being discharged--you were able to respond rationally--indeed heroically--to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love most second only to yourself. I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness and a robust full-lotus gestalt empowering you, once again, to go forth into society and resume your good works."

"The bad news, I'm afraid, is that Todd hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

"Well, I'll be danged, who'd a thunk it," Sarah replied. "But, heck, he didn't hang himself! No way, José--suicide is a sin! Just plain wrong! I just put him up there to dry!"

"Now how soon can I go home and git back to work?"

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