The Perfect Woman

JOCOP News Service--Washington DC by Ed Zachary

They came in their thousands.

Post-genderial feminists, bull dykes, GBLT Anarchists, Log Cabin Republicans and pussy-whipped Democrats gathered at the Capitol Mall to embrace Jesus H. Christ as their personal savior upon hearing the news that Hilarious Hamrod Clitorius (don't wanna rub her the wrong way) would likely be appointed Secretary of State and in-house Backstabber-in-Chief of the incoming BO administration.

"I'm so fucking thrilled, I just shit myself," squealed Hermione Pudendio of Amarillo Texas, a former Clitorius delegate.

"She'll be just great with her extensive foreign policy exposure going back at least 16 years when she was in an excellent position to tour executive mansions occupied by corrupt dictators and order room service from the various Hyatt presidential suites across the globe surrounded by Secret Service personnel. She got to know real people well that way. You wouldn't happen to have any WD-40 on you, would ya?"

Questioned as to the role of the former President in such a scenario, Pudendio replied, "Oh hell. He won't be no problem. People think he's a womanizer...but word is, he might get people to play with it, but the train never quite makes it to the tunnel, if you know what I mean. But that's ok, I'm with him a hundred percent as far as that goes. And so is my wife, Lois. Come to think of it, I guess you could say we got a lot in common."

Senator Clitorius' office refused comment on the report, except to forward a copy of the ex-President's new book, the cover of which appears above, a Journal exclusive.

Photoshop replacement of the vaginal vortex by a mouth was rejected by Clinton's publishers, who wish to remain unanimous on the grounds it would constitute a violation of the Homeland Anti-Irony Act of 1975.

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