Seniorobics

Regular readers have doubtless forgotten our most recent health-nazi orientation seminar, held at the Holiday Inn business conference room in Bumfuck. In this regard, try try try to remember that if you can still hang onto the floor, you are not drunk. To refresh attendees' memories [YGBFJ. --Ed.], it was Hugh Jorgen who broached the subject of exercise regimens that were appropriate to the moral character of this particular selection of geriatrics. Mike Rashoff responded with the time-proven system set forth below.

Following is an example of Seniorobics, an exercise programme for older adults, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It is suggested the routine be performed three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute. Then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

The penultimate goal is to get where you can lift a 50-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for a full minute.

Finally, when you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.