Intellectual Piracy

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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" says the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight, my hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," says the bartender, "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."

"It was my first day with the hook."