Stand By Your Man

In a galaxy far far away, many years from now when the fires of this earnest passage we call life are tamped and one can look back with equanimity, an elderly couple are having dinner one evening when the husband reaches across the table, takes his wife's hand into his and, staring deep into the profundity of her eyes, speaks movingly to his bride.

"Hillary, soon we will be married fifty years, and I know I haven't exactly been a model of propriety and this question may seem unfair. Yet I feel I must ask it. In all these fifty years have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Hillary replies, "Well Bill, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these fifty years. But it was always for a good reason."

Bill is visibly crushed by his wife's confession. But in a spirit of born-again Christian forgiveness he forces himself to reply, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

"Well," Hillary replies, "the first time was shortly after we were married and we were still broke because I hadn't yet turned that one-thousand dollar cattle futures long position into a hundred grand through sheer native intelligence and guts... and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Bill indeed recalls the visit to the banker and says, magnanimously, "Yes, I remember. But I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, it had to be done, I realize that now. But what about the second time?"

Hillary says, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the surgery you needed because the commodities brokerage firm went bust and their cheque wouldn't clear? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"Oh, yes, I recall that," says Bill. "But you did it to save my life so of course I can forgive you for that. But tell me about the third time, I've got to know."

"Alright," Hillary says. "Do you remember when you were running in the Iowa caucuses and you needed just 873 more votes?"