All My Exes Live in Houston

Four Texans have been going to the same deer camp for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Pat's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Pat's buddies are pretty upset he can't go--but what can they do?

Two days later the three hunters return to the camp site after murdering Bambi only to find Pat sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered and chili (no beans) cooking on the fire.

"Sumbitch, Pat, how long you been here, boy? And how the hell'd you talk your wife into lettin' you go?"

"Well, boys," says Pat, "I've been here since this morning. Last night I was sitting in the Barcalounger and the wife comces up behind me and puts her hands over my eyes and says, 'Guess whoooo?'"

"I pulled her hands off, swivelled around and she was wearing a brand new nightie."

"That woman grabbed me by the shirt and brutally drug me off to the bedroom. It had candles lit up everywhere and rose petals scattered all over...."

"Then she throws me on the bed. She had handcuffs and ropes on there! Damned if she didn't tell me to tie and cuff her to the goddam bed! Slicker'n snot on a door handle! "

"Then all of a sudden she was breathing really heavy and she let out a blood-curdling shriek: 'OH MY SWEET JESUS DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, DARLIN'!!'"

"So here I am."

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