No Ears

Sadly, Steve was born without ears. Though he proved spectacularly successful in business, his deformity was a source of great personal sorrow. However, on the advice of his psychoanalyst, he never shrank from the issue and always came to terms with it in the course of running his fledgling black box LDCA (Long Distance Charge Avoider) business.

One day he had to hire a new Executive V.P. who would need to be unusually skilled in order that even salesmen might learn to use the primitive device to ace out Ma Bell.

The first applicant was quite good. He knew everything he needed to know and was a fascinating conversationalist. But at the end of the interview, Steve inquired: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Well yes," the applicant replied. "Um, I couldn't help but notice...you have no ears."

Steve did not appreciate the tone or candor and demanded the applicant leave the office immediately.

He was inwardly seething but managed to regain his self-control.

The second interview was with a woman in possession of no mammaries whatsoever who was even more qualified than the first applicant. She performed magnificently.

In the interest of fairness, Steve felt compelled near the end to ask her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Well," she stammered, "you don't seem to have any ears?"

Steve lost control this time and physically chucked her out of the office in a black rage for which he later settled out of court.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA at the country's pre-eminent East Coast diploma mill. He was intelligent, impeccably attired, handsome as Cary Grant and he seemed to have an innate intuition for the business that put the first two applicants combined to shame.

Steve now felt a certain anxiety. But he was again compelled to ask the necessary question of the young man so as to lay the groundwork for spectacular future profits.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Yes! Unless I'm quite mistaken, you wear contact lenses."

Steve was stunned. The interview fell into total silence while he contemplated this revelation of profound cognitive insight within this, the most select of individuals.

Then, of course, he realized that, as usual with Masters of Business Administration, this was a person of finely honed intellect who had acquired incredible powers of observation during his post-graduate studies at the hands of the most skilled instructors of managerial science known to man.

"Well! I'm pleasantly surprised!" ejaculated Steve. "But, please--how exactly could you tell?"

"Oh that," pooh-poohed the MBA. "Simply pure logic."

"How's that?" inquired Steve.

"Well. It'd be pretty hard to wear glasses without ears."

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