Kind of Human Milkness

I.

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage. A wretch of a homeless man sitting on the pavement said, "I've not eaten for two days." I told him: "I wish I had your will power."


II.

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.


III.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said, "Sorry about the wait." I said, "No worries, dear, you're bound to lose it eventually."


IV.

As I approached the bank, I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop. When I came out, he looked at me and said "Any Change?" I said: "Nope, you're still black."


V.

Snow in the forecast. The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that.


VI.

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks "What's wrong?" The boy says "Me ma is dead." "Oh bejaysus!" the man says. "Do you want me to be callin' Fadder O' Riley for ye then?" "No tanks, mister," says the boy, "sex is the last ting on me mind at the moment."

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