Apologia Pro Anus Horribilus

Over the past few years your Editorial Waterboard have published some inappropriate pictures and feeble attempts at humor for those whom we thought might share a similar outlook on life: foecal myopia.

Unfortunately this now appears not to have been the case and we seem to have upset a number of alleged people who have accused us of being sexist, shallow, unfeeling, bulletproof, shitfaced, repugnant, appalling, stultifying and not nice.

If you were one of these people, please accept our sincerest apologies. Honest.

Looking to 2012 onward, we will only post content of cultural, educational and/or appropriately sanctified political party-line importance such as old monuments, nature, concentration camps of acceptable membership and other interesting topics.

Below is a photograph of the Pont Neuf in Paris. (Paris, France.)

It is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build.

It was completed in 1604.

This Will Be My Last Correspondence

Padraic O'Cossett, pictured right in tandem with his lovely wife, Hillary Rodham O'Cossett, needs no introduction. He was inad- vertently born in an outdoor personal hygiene facility in County Cork, Ireland, whence he was exported as peat moss to another venue where it was felt he would be more comfortable--Poland. Graduating from the International School Bangkok alongside his close friend, Timothy Geithner, where both majored in Accounting Ethics, Paddy went on to study journalism at the Allan Greenspan School of Prophylactic Finance at NYU. After leaving a proof-reading position at Al-Jazeera just prior to his arraignment on what Amnesty International PLC termed a "like, totally bogus" charge of dromedarial sexual harassment, Paddy joined The Journal where his courageous work poolside at the Ramadan Inn in Gaza City garnered him the coveted Bernie Madoff Prize for Occupational Integrity.

The Editorial Waterboard was understandably eviscerated to receive the following missive this past weekend, sent by courier to the Rheum Room:

My Dear Friends and Collies,

This may well be my last communication to you.

As you may be aware, I am a registered Republican and sex offender. Owing to the election outcome and the far-left, Eastern liberace-elite outing of my good friend, Rush Limbaugh, I have decided to take my concomitant rage out on illegal immigrants, since there is no penalty attached to this.

Accordingly, I have made the decision to spend the next year as a volunteer with a guerrilla militia group on our Texas/Mexico border, fighting to protect our nation against illegal, undesirable and foreign immigrants, if there are any left after total economic collapse has worked its way through the economy of our glorious homeland.

I know many of you on the Editorial Waterboard will not understand, primarily due to your being passed out. But I have not made this decision lightly. These criminal border crossers must be stopped, no matter the personal toll on me or my beautiful wife, Hillary, due to possibly indefinite separation.

If this works out as planned, it's possible I will be staying on with the guerrilla militia indefinitely.

Thank you for your support in the past--which I hope will extend into my new field of patriotic endeavour, not only for the Waterboard and the readership, but also their children and their children's children. Or their grandchildren, whichever come first.

A photo of my guerrilla militia group can be viewed here.

Yours in Christ,

Padraic O'Cossett

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Waterboard Editorial: Eternal Verities

During this period of monetary paralysis, revived international Islamist PR campaigns, overnight evisceration of 401(¿que?)'s, penury without recourse to bankruptcy, societal implosion of vaginally reliable vacation venues, shot-down FICO scores, enhanced credit card interest charges, transexual erectile dysfunction and early onset constipation in the context of a hitherto unremarked prune crop failure, it may be well to turn once again to those eternal verities which have always sustained us during times of national trial--shopping and hard-core pornography.

Whereby we may succour one another [Looking for a nice sale/punitive leaseback on a condo in Boca? --Ed.] to take consolation from that solace which derives exclusively from a return to those great ontological Truths which yet lie just beneath the thin veneer of our civilization that must nevertheless sustain us during this time of cataclysmic national challenge to the survival of the Republic-- abandoned strip malls, E-coli laden fast food, melamine-laced yoghurt and J&J's new, improved KY™/No. 3 grit formulation, now on sale at a pharmacy near you.




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