Dirty Hairy

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's asshole?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir...but I've always wanted to."

.

Wayward Daughter

Fleeing potato famine, Mike Rashoff sailed from County Cork on a cold winter's morn in October, 1857, having bought passage in steerage to the New World, in search of a better life. Who cares.

He forwarded this allegory from the Old Country.


An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father berated her.

"Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum tru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff...Dad...I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to t'is family!!"

"Alright then, Dad--as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little bruther, this gold Rolex and for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club (takes a breath) and an invitation for all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the French Riviera, and--"

"Now what was it ye said ye'd become?" inquires Dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff--a prostitute, Dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh Bejaysus! Ye scared me half to death, gurl! I t'ought ye said Protestant! Come over here, darlin', and give yer old man a hug!"