As select members of the readership may be aware, Mostly Big Dave has been covertly embedded in a hot-sheet motel just outside Tehran whence he has filed this moving plea against the inhumanity of these savages:
I can honestly say, I never want to see an image like this again.
If this doesn't bring tears to your eyes you have no soul.
Is their no limit to their cruelty?
Some of them were 15 years old, some 12....
Some not even that....
(Scroll down.)
Horror in Iran
Dirty Hairy
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's asshole?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir...but I've always wanted to."
.
Snorkeling in Canada
Mostly Big Dave, reporting from upper Manitoba, opines that demon rum may have been involved.
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The Oiled and Gassed Faction, Part I
The Oiled and Gassed Faction within the Editorial Waterboard achieved their Completion Certificate in connection with provision of each and every item of expense necessary to install steel pillars within embedded concrete stanchions immediately outside the Rheum Room, all in total conformance with the specification as pictured below.
Whence they shall demobilize the van after establishing that the level of construction expertise brought to this project by The Oiled and Gassed Faction is to rationalized planning what panty hose is to finger fucking.
Men Are Happier
More pro-feminine observation--Praise Jaysus!--on the state of the gender wars which are literally tearing this country apart due solely to day-in, day-out sexist outrage against Women on the part of the anti-feminist, low-life scumbags who comprise the male readership of this site. You know who you are, you rotten cocksuckers. This was contributed by Mostly Big Dave, against his will. His woman threatened to stop his pocket money....
Men are just happier people.
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. [WTF? -Ed.] You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park. You can wear no shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. [WTF? -Ed.] A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes--one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Beer Contains Female Hormones
This was sent in by Mostly Big Dave. As regular distribuees will instantly recall, this site has no truck with misogynistic material, nossiree. So this is just an example of what will not be tolerated here. And Mostly Big Dave should hang his head in shame. Once he exits Sabailand out the back door.
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
* argued over nothing;
* refused to apologize when obviously wrong;
* gained weight;
* talked excessively without making sense;
* became overly emotional;
* couldn't drive;
* failed to think rationally;
* had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
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