Agrarian/Bucolic/Limited Genetic Diversity (PC Version)

Slicker than owl shit, this came in from Hugh Jorgen last year. He originally used the word “redneck" which is not even remotely halal--this being a venue of impeccable PC pedigree. Accordingly, I have redacted this (and any other) anecdote so that it conforms to universally applicable standards of socio-political rectitude. Serendipitously, this was done in such a way as to render the political correction undetectable.


A small zoo in Oklahoma had a rare specimen of gorilla. Within a few years, the gorilla, a female, became difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Mulling the problem over, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a person of bucolic-agrarian extraction and part-time worker at the zoo responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like other persons from a background of restricted genetic diversity, had limited cognitive facility but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species on a reproductive basis.

The Zoo Keeper thought Bobby Lee might be the solution so he approached him with a proposition. Would Bobby Lee be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Bobby Lee announced he would accept the offer, but only under four conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "You cain't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'drun raised as Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

"And last of all", Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."