Deconstructing English: Gender-specific

This was forwarded (inadvertently) by Michael Edward Rashoff who spends a lot of time checking out personal ads on the net. He follows up on these regularly. His wife does not know about this. He has my bank account information. He needs to make another deposit. Soon.

Key to Decoding Women’s Personal Ads


40-ish...............................………………..49.

Adventurous.......................………………Slept with everybody.

Athletic............................……………...…No breasts whatsoever.

Average looking..................………………Oh my god—

Beautiful..........................………………...Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure...........…………….....On medication.

Feminist............................………………..Fat.

Free Spirit.......................……………….…Junkie.

Friendship first...............……………........Former Slut.

New-Age..........................……………...…Body hair all over.

Old-fashioned...................…………….....No blowjob

Open-minded......................……………...Desperate

Outgoing….......................…………….....Loud and embarrassing.

Professional..........................…………….Bitch.

Voluptuous…......................……………..Fat.

Large frame….....................……………..Obese.

Wants soul-mate.................……………...Stalker.


Key to Decoding Women’s English


Yes...............…...................……………….No

No....................…...............……………….Yes

Maybe..................…..........………………..No

We need...........…............………………....I want

I am sorry.......................………………....You'll be sorry

We need to talk.................………………..You're in big trouble

Sure, go ahead..................………………...Don’t even think about it

Do what you like..............………………...You’ll pay for this later big time

I’m not upset......................……………….Of course I’m upset, you moron--

You're attentive tonight......……………….Is sex all you ever think about?



Key to Decoding Men’s English


I am hungry.........................………………I am hungry

I am sleepy..........................………………I am sleepy

I am tired............................……………….I am tired

Nice dress..........................………………..Nice cleavage

I love you............................………………Let's fuck immediately

I am bored.......................………………....You wanna fuck?

May I have this dance?........……………….I need to fuck you.

Can I call you sometime?.....……………….I need to fuck you.

You wanna go to a movie?....……………….I need to fuck you.

Can I take you out to dinner?......………….I need to fuck you.

Those shoes don’t go with that outfit……...I'm gay.