JOCOP Redux: The Loneliness of Ed Zachary

She hadn’t had a date or any sexual gratification for over five years.

Distraught, desperate for someone, anyone to call, she waited in vain.

Yet hope somehow lived on within her meager breast that somehow she might be released from the nearly violent yearnings for sexual fulfillment now welling up from the very core of her being. But she had to do something....

Thinking that possibly there was a physiological wrong that needed to be righted, she decided to seek therapy.

Throwing caution to the wind, she chose to obtain the consultation of the very best, and most expensive in the field--the renowned practitioner of ancient Chinese remedies, Dr. Chung.

Barely daring to shelter hope for the first time in years, she entered the examination room with trepidation.

With no introduction or preliminaries, Dr. Chung said: "OK, take off all croses."

The woman did as she was told.

“Now geddown, craw reery, reery fass to udda side o’ loom."

Again, the woman did as she was told, crawling across the room, totally nude.

Dr. Chung then said: "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."

Which she did.

Dr. Chung shook his head slowly back and forth.

"You ploblem velly velly bad,” intoned the therapist.

“You gotta Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I evah see. Dat why you not haf sek or date!”

"Oh my god, Dr. Chung, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" implored the near-hysterical patient.

Dr. Chung sighed deeply, shaking his head anew as if, truly, all hope were finally gone.

“Ed Zachary Disease when you face look Ed Zachary like you ass.”

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