Mature Senior Woman

First, let me register my customary sense of moral outrage in connection with the unnatural scenario set forth below, forwarded by Hugh Jorgen, no surprise there. In the interest of furthering the history of epistemological levity, our editorial board had no choice but to allow for this anecdote's inclusion owing to its legendary vintage--Tokay '68.


A farmer stopped by the local mechanic to have his truck fixed. The mechanic said it would take some time, more than the farmer would care to wait, so as the farmer didn't live far away, he decided he'd just walk home.

On the way, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feedstore and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem--how to carry all these purchases home.

While scratching his head in befuddlement, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I'd be happy to walk you there myself...but I can't seem to carry all this lot."

The old lady quickly took in the situation and said, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket; carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm; and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much, ma'am" the farmer replied. And proceeded to do exactly as instructed and then walk the old girl to her destination.

On the way, he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over with care. "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me," she declared. "How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

"Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."