New Drugs for Women

The Editorial Board gets together regularly to discuss ways and means of eliminating offensive sexist material from this website in order that it might return to its feminist roots--this is, after all, the spiritual progeny of Ms.

Make no mistake, however, it's a bitch.

This was sent in by Mike Rashoff, whose last name is no joke. Rashoff is the salve he used on his schwantz while he was courting the missus. If she'da seen the way it is unmedicated--no sale. She takes all of the below.

DAMNITOL

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved the fuck out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling senior drivers' urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to lines such as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers on airplanes.