Jocop Marketing Blitz

Do you live in a shithole? Does the mere act of walking through your front door make you sink to your knees and puke? As a regular reader of The Journal, you are doubtless already accustomed to this procedure. But the new reader may recall the fraudulent credit card application she/he/it (hereinafter Sheit) sent in last week which,rather like bogus mortgages, were also bundled into SIV’s and flogged worldwide with AAA ratings, the only difference being, you might conceivably hesitate before walking out on your residence--how long would you linger before hauling ass on your credit card bill? But we digress. When that new card does come in thanks to an accommodating Fed that would put a 42 year-old hooker with leprosy to shame, say, why not take orders for new tires from the entire neighborhood and flog those sonsabitches for 50 cents on the dollar? Then, by god, even you can have an illegal alien in to sweep out the dogshit, vacuum the shag, paint everything in sight, pound nails into the walls ripped on dexedrine and hang artwork throughout, thus transforming your once appalling environment into what it should have been in the first place—the magnificent tableau for your own bespoke 3am suicide brought to you by your dedicated, completely reliable HMO, Smith & Wesson. All proceeds donated to our primary corporate charity, Patel’s Liquors, no administrative costs or overheads whatsoever. Delivery, for reasons which must be intuitively oblivious, is free.