Praise Jaysus!

The Editorial Board has been on a week-long toot owing to the declining quality of the submissions. The story set forth below is a spectacular example of why these selfless individuals subscribe to the following exchange from another era:

Frank: Dean--why do you drink drink drink drink drink?

Dean: Well, Frank Frank Frank Frank Frank....

[Michael Edward Rashoff has been reassigned to the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport Men's Room.]


Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days and The Lord was getting tired of the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said: "That's it, I've had enough, I'm going to set up a test that will run for two hours and from those results, I will judge who has done the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports on Power Point. They created labels and cards. They generated charts and graphs. They did genealogy charts. Verily, they did it all.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency.

Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning flashed across the firmament, thunder rolled, rain poured down and, lo, the power had ceased to be.

Satan stared at his blank screen in disbelief. Then he cursed the computer with every invectival variation known to the underworld.

But Jesus merely sighed.

When the electricity came back on, each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, howling: "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

But Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours of work.

Seeing this, Satan flew into a new level of rage.

"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

The Lord shrugged.

"Jesus saves."