No Parallel Universe for Old Men

Three dynamic geriatrics had escaped from their gated community and somehow groped their way to the local tavern to exchange competitive complaints about their aches and pains.

"I'm tellin' ya, sixty has got to be the worst age," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you gotta pee and then you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Hell, that's nothin'," exclaimed the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more! You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"You sonsabitches are pathetic," stated the 80-year-old over his third beer. "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Why do you say that?" inquired the 60-year-old. "Do you have trouble peeing too?"

"Hell no! I pee every morning at six o'clock! I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock! No problem!"

"Surely, you must have a problem with your bowel movement--" interjected the 70-year-old.

"No, I have one every morning at six thirty."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old inquired: "You pee every morning at 6:00...and crap every morning at 6:30? What's so terrible about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."