The Case of the Anally Retentive Geriatric

Hi.

I'm not a human being but I play one on TV.

Recently, I chose a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he informed me I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

Slightly concerned about the tentative nature of his comment, I couldn't resist asking him: "Doctor, do you think I'll live to be 80?"

"Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?" he inquired.

"Oh no," I replied.

"Do you ever take recreational drugs," wondered the medico.

"Never."

"Well, then, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

"Oh no. My other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

"Let me ask you this, then: do you spend a lot of time in the sun, playing golf, boating, fishing or relaxing on the beach?"

"Heavens, no!" I ejaculated. "I have important responsibilities to discharge."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No way! I would never do any of those things!"

"Then why do you give a shit?"