Obama Declared Insane

The 2008 Presidential campaign was thrown into last-minute turmoil after release of a finding by a psychiatric think tank indicating that leading candidate Barack Obama is clinically insane.

Dr. Ezzelino Von Mannhandler, Director General of the Yale Research Institute for Mental Aberration (YRIMA), announced the finding of the Institute’s Panel of Experts, which was immediately endorsed by President-elect Sarah Lee.

“Barack Obama may be a very nice person and all that,” stated Von Mannhandler during a press conference following release of the finding.

“He may be conversant with Constitutional Law, in control of his emotional state at all times, smokes too much and wears boring suits—none of which indicate mental or emotional instability in and of themselves except for the suits."

“Ultimately, however, the Panel reluctantly agreed on its final diagnosis of Mr Obama’s mental state on the basis that he would have to out of his fucking mind to seek the office of the Presidency at the present moment with the sole proviso that he cannot traverse swimming pools on foot and/or possesses natural resistance to kryptonite.”

“The polity is so reamed, only a whack-job would consider taking on the office, much less actually seeking it out. Which led the panel to conclude that Obama is either a smooth-talking catatonic or has, so to speak, switched from Marlboros.”

“Contrarily, the other candidates are perfectly suited for the job of presiding over the non-future of the Republic with their emphases more properly being concentrated, as they are, on more appropriate arenas of public welfare including beer-distribution, hunting with automatic weapons, cosmetology, male pattern baldness, fashionable eyewear and personal vendetta, all of which fall well within the mandate of current Executive Branch guidelines as established by Vice-President Chauncy [Gardner]."

“No one in his or her right mind would get near the job of the Presidency, leaving this instead to experienced, well-seasoned cutie-pies with admirably firm buttocks such as those already in the possession of the incumbent-to-be, President Sarah Lee."

The Obama campaign declined to comment other than to quote the candidate himself: "Tell those Yale assholes to go fuck themselves. You got any smokes on ya?"

(YRIMA has no connection to the Sarah Lee/Novacaine campaign except to the extent it is totally funded by the Apoplectic Budweiser Distribution Corporation of Phoenix, AZ.)


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