This Will Be My Last Correspondence

Padraic O'Cossett, pictured right in tandem with his lovely wife, Hillary Rodham O'Cossett, needs no introduction. He was inad- vertently born in an outdoor personal hygiene facility in County Cork, Ireland, whence he was exported as peat moss to another venue where it was felt he would be more comfortable--Poland. Graduating from the International School Bangkok alongside his close friend, Timothy Geithner, where both majored in Accounting Ethics, Paddy went on to study journalism at the Allan Greenspan School of Prophylactic Finance at NYU. After leaving a proof-reading position at Al-Jazeera just prior to his arraignment on what Amnesty International PLC termed a "like, totally bogus" charge of dromedarial sexual harassment, Paddy joined The Journal where his courageous work poolside at the Ramadan Inn in Gaza City garnered him the coveted Bernie Madoff Prize for Occupational Integrity.

The Editorial Waterboard was understandably eviscerated to receive the following missive this past weekend, sent by courier to the Rheum Room:

My Dear Friends and Collies,

This may well be my last communication to you.

As you may be aware, I am a registered Republican and sex offender. Owing to the election outcome and the far-left, Eastern liberace-elite outing of my good friend, Rush Limbaugh, I have decided to take my concomitant rage out on illegal immigrants, since there is no penalty attached to this.

Accordingly, I have made the decision to spend the next year as a volunteer with a guerrilla militia group on our Texas/Mexico border, fighting to protect our nation against illegal, undesirable and foreign immigrants, if there are any left after total economic collapse has worked its way through the economy of our glorious homeland.

I know many of you on the Editorial Waterboard will not understand, primarily due to your being passed out. But I have not made this decision lightly. These criminal border crossers must be stopped, no matter the personal toll on me or my beautiful wife, Hillary, due to possibly indefinite separation.

If this works out as planned, it's possible I will be staying on with the guerrilla militia indefinitely.

Thank you for your support in the past--which I hope will extend into my new field of patriotic endeavour, not only for the Waterboard and the readership, but also their children and their children's children. Or their grandchildren, whichever come first.

A photo of my guerrilla militia group can be viewed here.

Yours in Christ,

Padraic O'Cossett

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