I Don't Care What They Say--God Bless The IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Grandpa shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment--Jesus I hate people--then says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor recoils in amazement.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks, tauntingly. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and piss Evel Knievel-like into that wastebasket on the other side--and never lose a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is now paranoid. But he looks carefully and decides there's no way in the world this old fart can possibly manage it. So he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants.

Although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, thus pissing on pretty much the entirety of the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

Grandpa's attorney groans, utters the words "Oh my fucking God!" and plunges his heads in his hands.

"Excuse me Sir," says the auditor, "Are you okay?"

"Not really," says the attorney.

"This morning, when this decrepit sonofabitch told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you'd be happy about it."

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