The Senator from New York

From Padraic O'Cossett, a patriot. Now famous for the epigram: "Don't Vote. It only encourages them."

The Senator from New York, Hillary Rodham Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed suddenly in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but it was too late. The aged bovine was struck and lay injured, panting in pain, on the side of the road.

Not unmindful of political consequences associated with events which may appear trivial at first, but grow into political if not dimensional, significance later (as several interns can verify), Hillary instructed her driver to drive up to the farmhouse, call in the vet and explain in full to the owners what had occurred--along with her complete innocence in the unfortunate accident. Just like with the cattle futures.

She remained in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car in complete disarray.

He was holding a half-empty bottle of Dom Perignon '59 in one hand, a half-smoked Cuban Montecristo in the other and was smiling from ear to ear from a face ravaged with lipstick.

"My god, what happened?" demanded Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, the wife gave me the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made mad, passionate love to me!"

"Good lord," exclaimed Hillary. "You must have said or done something…untoward! What happened?" she inquired nervously.

"I just stepped inside the door," the driver replied, "and told them, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just hit the old cow.' The rest happened so fast, I couldn't stop it."