Mammogram Day

As a matter of policy, your Editorial Board strongly urges the readership to honor the spirit of Mammogram Day by scheduling appointments for titty-shots and nipple tennis asap.

To the casual observer, this may seem to be particularly apropos in the case of our allegedly female readers. But in line with our arbeitmachtfrei of Total Halal™ and Politburo Correctumization™, we strongly suggest that male members [sic] of the readership also have this procedure performed at the earliest opportunity. Individual names are of course being withheld in line with our HUAC-based Security and Secrecy Publication Policy™, although we know who you are, you stinking faggots.

Politically astute female readers may want to schedule prostate exams concurrent with the customary flap, tap and slap.