Redneck Girl

The Journal's pro-caliphate editorial bona fides are well-established to the point of seppuku. Accordingly, we take this opportunity to applaud our fellow jihadis' kidnapping of Padraic O'Cossett shortly before landing at Hamas PLC™ International in Gaza City. Padraic, our Gaza Bureau Chief, has been held for the last month incommunicado, without food, water, tampons, adult diapers. We join the BBC and CNN--our competition and what assholes they truly are--not to mention Paddy's wife and in-laws, in calling for Paddy's continued incarceration into perpetuity.

Paddy smuggled the reportage set forth below via the septic tank/water truck just in back of the Hamas safe house where he is being held, exact GPS coordinates available upon request....or withheld an additional two weeks, whichever is more conducive to... martyrdom.

Aloha Snackbar™!!!

A Mexican, an Arab and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45 and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar and calling for a refill, she says:

"In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."