Boom

S Revitz will not have to worry about any heavenly scenario such as that appearing below. Because S Revitz is going straight to hell.


A Taliban suicide bomber pulls the plug and explodes, taking 24 women, 12 children and six infants with him.

A short while later he finds himself on a huge white staircase leading towards heaven, so he starts climbing.

After an hour of hard climbing, he arrives at a landing where an old man in white robes with a long flowing beard is sitting surrounded by ledgers.

"Excuse me, sir." he says. "Are you Mohammed?"

"No," replies the old man, "I am St Peter. Mohammed is further up the stairs."

"But this is wonderful news!" ejaculates the martyred bomber. "Mohammed is higher than St Peter! I can hardly believe it!"

With this he carries on climbing the stairs.

After an hour or so of hard climbing he arrives at another landing where stands a serene old man with white hair and a long beard.

"Excuse me, sir," he says. "Are you Mohammed?"

"No," replies the old man, "I am Jesus. Mohammed is further up the stairs."

"Oh for joy, but this is amazing news!" screams the bomber. "Mohammed is higher than Jesus, I can hardly believe it! Martyrdom is even better than I thought possible!!!"

With this he carries on climbing up the stairs.

After another hour or so of hard climbing he arrives at an overwhelmingly huge, awe-inspiring landing in the baroque manner.

There, sitting on a magnificent throne is another old man, even more magisterial than the others, complete with impeccable white robes, magnificent beard and flowing white hair.

"Excuse me, sir," he says excitedly. "Are you Mohammed?"

"No," replies the old man. "I am God."

"But this is beyond anything that I might ever have thought possible," shrieks the bomber in total thrall.

"Mohammed is higher than God! I am so happy I can't believe it, martyrdom is more than wonderful, all my prayers have been answered!!!!!"

"You look tired, my son," intoned God in a voice to carve granite. "Would you like to sit down and rest a moment?"

"Oh, yes!" replies the bomber. "I am bone weary from the climb and would love a rest before I carry on, thank you."

The bomber sits down and God says, "You look thirsty, my son, would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Oh yes please!" replies the bomber. "I am most thirsty, thank you!"

With this God turns, snaps his fingers and shouts: "Oy, Mohammed! Two coffees over here and make it snappy!!"