Our Ms Brooks

The third-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher addressed the little curmudgeon: "Harry, what seems to be the problem?"

Harry answered, "Well, teach, I'm just too goddammed smart for the 3rd grade. My sister is in the 12th grade and I'm qualitatively more informed than she is. I should be in the 12th grade too. At least."

Ms. Brooks considered the eight-year old upstart a moment, then decided to accompany the little bastard to the Principal's office for the comeuppance he so clearly required.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the harried Principal what the situation was.

The Principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy an impromptu test. If the kid failed to answer any of his questions he would be re-assigned to the 3rd grade and that would be the end of it.

She agreed.

Harry was brought in, the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 times 3?"
Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 times 6?"
Harry: "36."

The Principal looked at Ms. Brooks. "I can't see the problem here."

Ms. Brooks stared balefully at the middle-aged Principal, then said: "Let me ask him some questions.'

The Principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Harry's bona fides already established in any curricular sense, Ms. Brooks nevertheless found herself drawn inexorably into the competition despite the dictates of her better self.

"Ok, you little sonofabitch. What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The by now myocardially infarcted Principal was leaning forward with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, staring straight into the extreme bounty that was Ms. Brooks' abdominal nexus.

Ms. Brooks: "Alright, wise ass. What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

"Bubble gum," replied Harry.

The Principal's eyes filmed over as he segued smoothly into cardiac arrhythmia.

Ms. Brooks, apoplectic: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs!?'

Harry: "Shake hands."

The Principal clutched at his groin with his right hand, his heart with his left as he strained to hear, as it were, The Final Question:

Ms. Brooks: "Ok, you little asshole, that's it. What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and means nothing but explosive heat and excitement?'

Harry: "Firetruck."