The Srevitz Clinic™

JOCOP News Service, January 21, 2010, Riyadh.

The American Dental Association shook the American mental health community this morning with its announcement that previously unreleased double blind/placebo-based clinical trials now reveal the most under-diagnosed disease in the continental US, including Guam, is Repat Remorse.

The famed Srevitz Clinic™ of Minneapolis, MN immediately released its patented 13-step programme to the victims, their families and new colleagues in the workplace, free of charge, until April 15, 2009.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the office intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, inquire: “Would you like fries with that?”

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker daily for three weeks. After the three weeks are up, put double espresso in the coffee maker.

5. In the memo field of all your cheques, write: “For Ludes.”

6. Skip down the hall instead of walking.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with no change in expression.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”

9. Sing along with the heavy metal soundtracks to documentaries.

10. Five days in advance, inform your new neighbours you will not be able to attend their child's birthday party. You have a headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream: “'I Won! I Won!'

12. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask the clerk where the fitting room is.

13. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go.”