A Mexican, an African-American and an Agrarian Bucolic Limited Spectrum DNA Hillary Rodham Clinton suppository were inexplicably walking in tandem along the beach when they happened upon a bottle with a genie inside.
They opened it and she came out with a whoosh.
"I'm sorry," said she in a deep Joan Crawford voice, "but I have only three wishes for the lot of you--so you each get one. Make it good."
The Mexican thought a moment, then announced his decision.
"I wish that all my Latino friends, relatives and Raza members be able to return to Mexico where they can enjoy a good life with plenty of tortillas, arroz y frijol, together with a decent, elected and representative government and democracy and absence of civil strife and corruption!"
The genie waved her wand with a flourish.
"It is done," said she. And the Mexican had disappeared in a puff of vapor.
The African-American was next. He had been thinking while the Mexican spoke.
"That sounded pretty good. We sure as hell didn't get a royal welcome here, this was one hard goddam row to hoe. And not too many breaks since. So I wish for the equivalent of that Mexican fella--all African-Americans to return to Africa where they can live the good life, eat plenty of ribs and collard greens, smoke cancer-free Kool cigarets, enjoy the benefit of good, clean, democratically elected government free of corruption...and, of course, revel in the complete absence of tribal war and/or civil strife."
The genie again waved her wand and the black man disappeared in a puff of smoke.
She then turned to the gentleman of Georgian extraction but he looked a bit puzzled.
"Are you telling me all them Meskins and Nigrahs just went back to Mesko and Africa? And took all their kinfolk with 'em?" inquired the agrarian.
"That is correct, Sir," replied the genie. "And now it is time for your wish...."
"Praise Jaysus! Well--what with the tacos and jigs gone, I guess I can go ahead and celebrate! Gimme a Dr. Peppah!"
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The Limited Spectrum DNA Agrarian-Bucolic of Infinite Distinction
Poll, No. Pollo, Sí
The latest Gallup poll taken on behalf of the California Governor's office asked whether people who live in the Golden State think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
29% of respondents answered, "Yes, it is a serious problem."
84% of respondents answered, "¿Problema? ¡Coño! no hay ningún problema...."
El Sentido Trágico de la Vida
Hernán and Chino are panhandlers in different zones of the downtown district as close as possible to Rodeo Drive without being roustable by the Beverly Hills PD.
Chino panhandles just as long as Hernán but only collects two to three dollars a day.
Hernán brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills daily, drives an S500, lives in a magnificent house in Bel-Air free and clear and has unlimited money to spend.
Chino says to Hernán, "I work just as long and hard as you do but you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day. ¡Con eso me limpio el palo y dos bolas!"
Hernán leans back in his six-thousand dollar Eames chair and says, "But your sign, pendejo--what does it say?"
"The usual: 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.'"
Hernán says, " And you wonder why you score $2-3 dollars a day?"
"Sí," Carlos replies glumly. "So what the hell does your sign say?"
"I only need another $10 to move back to México. "
El Bungee
Mike Rashoff contributed this after I paid the customary 'fee.' Good luck to him on his next visit to the "orphanage" in Tijuana....
Alice and Frank are bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank,"You know,
we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping business in
Mexico." Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy
everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the zócalo. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they have finished, there is such a multitude, they conclude it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Alice jumps.
She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her.
Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up—
she’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine--it was the crowd! What the fuck’s a piñata?!"
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