Beat Me, Hurt Me, Make Me Write Bad Cheques

Three foreign legionnaires--a Jew, a Pole and an Arab--were to be flogged in the desert for dis- obeying orders.

Their sergeant, wishing to be impartial, asked each man if he would like anything applied to his back to help him sustain the ordeal of punishment.

The Pole said: "I am strong like bull! I need nothing!"

His wish was granted and he was whipped to within an inch of his life.

In reply to the same query, the Arab effused: "I desire death in the way that you desire life! I am as a host of millions--there is but one true god, Allah, Mohammed is his only prophet and I need nothing! Allahu Akbar!!"

He was whipped to the point where, weeping as an infant, he requested baptism by an ordained Baptist minister immediately. This wish too was granted.

The Jew, who had carefully observed both floggings, was asked what he would like on his back during the whipping.

He mulled it over a full second, looked the Sergeant in the eye and said: "I'll take the Arab."

The Agony of Victory: June 5, 1967

In the customary spirit of heartfelt pan-caliphantic solidarity with our Islamist brethren and cistern, The Journal is pleased to join in celebrating the occasion of our heroic victory over The Jews™ forty years ago this date, at which time we repossessed our ancestral homelands on behalf of Harvey's Bail Bonds, Collections and Laundromat, 231 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 95555, USA, Tel. (209) 441 3856--"We Deliver!"

In recognition of this momentous occasion, we are in the privileged position to publish the photograph above submitted by our Gaza Bureau Chief, Padraic O'Cossett, eyewitness to the celebrations in the greater metropolitan Gaza City area--and daily exiteer PDQ to the Sderot Ramada Inn, Room 251.

Note the joyous near-martyrdom-level expression on the countenance and nether regions of one celebrant in particular, since identified as Abu Bin Jamin, Chief Financial Officer, Hamas PCL.

Aloha Snackbar.

When Will It End

A Jew sits next to two Arab men on a flight from New York to Miami. The Jewish man kicks off his shoes.

Meanwhile, one of the Arabs says he would like a coke. Since he was by the aisle, the Jew says, "I'll get it for you," and goes off in his stocking feet.

While he is gone, one of the Arabs spits into the Jew's left shoe. Later, the other Arab says that he too would like a coke and the Jew goes off to fetch it. This time, his right shoe gets spit into.

As the flight is ending, the Jew slides his shoes back on, and through his socks, he feels the squishiness. He immediately figures out what has happened and exclaims, "Oh when will it end??!! When will all this enmity cease, the hatred, the anger, the spitting in shoes and the pissing in Coca Cola??!!"