I Will Always Lubb You

At 85 years of age, Roger marries Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms because she is concerned that her new but decrepit husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one, the earth moves and Jenny is forced to change the sheets. Roger takes leave of his bride and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door and it's Roger again: he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents to multi-ficky fick redux. When the newlyweds are done, the bed a total shambles, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

After ten minutes spent repairing the shattered bed, Jenny is finally set to get some sleep. To her infinite surprise, however, Roger is back again, rapping on the door, fresh as a 16-year-old, with a throbbing schlong preceding him into the room by a good ten inches. Yet once again, they ravish each other in successive bouts of passion previously unknown to the species. The bed and mattress will have to be replaced in their entirety.

As Roger readies himself to leave again, his young bride, exhausted, manages to mutter to the geriatric satyr: "I am stunned that a man your age can perform at such a pitch of red-hot passion--and so often. I have been with men less than a third of your age who were barely good once. You are the king of schtuppers, Roger."

Roger, taken aback slightly and somewhat confused, turns to his spent bride and inquires: "You mean I was here before?"

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Death in Blighty. And Elsewhere.

Pall Nosiree, renowned automotive authority and traditional 'four-on-the-floor' technician, recently had his star removed from the wall in Langley, VA. Ooops.


A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife's.”

“What happened to her?”

The man replied, “My dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

The man answered, “My mother-in-law, she was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied, “Get in line.”

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Winning Traders Prefer Sony

Fastpoke"Pall"Nosirree!, who captured the now-celebrated shot above depicting naked short sellers illegally driving down the price of HBOS, was born in a log cabin on the littoral of a major waterway in a huge metropolitan conurbation which shall remain nameless in Landosmiles.

Working first as towel boy at The University of Sabailand, he autodidactically absorbed 'gor-gai' using charcoal by candlelight on a shovel to prepare himself for a career in accupunctural gynecology.

He quickly came; first to the attention of the Night Manager and then unto 74.2% of the all-female student body who selflessly contributed to a fund dedicated to his continuing education while Pall pursued his heuristic investigations amongst those specimens of the more Lolitic persuasion, all culminating in his voyage to Great Britney where he attended Oxbridge University, graduating with honors in Sperm Donor Kebab Technology.

In 1964, he entered the Guinea Book of Records for single-handedly carrying 9 mature bears across the M-1 during rush hour, thus going down in history as "Pall Bearer."

Nossiree! is currently the Senior Madagascar Bureau Chief for The Journal.


Disclaimer: Pall owns 1,492,558 shares of Sony Corporation and has no other interest in the company while continually and massively shorting the US Dollar against the Japanese Yen.

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